"Vaccinated Man Just Wishes There Was Something That Could Protect Him From COVID" by The Babylon Bee
Vaccinated Man Just Wishes There Was Something That Could Protect Him From COVID
The vaccinated millions have done what they’re supposed to. They’ve taken the vaccine to show they care about others and are good human beings. Now, these important citizens are looking for just one more thing: something to protect them from COVID.
“I took my vaccine to show I’m one of the group,” said Kyle Howard, who had the Pfizer vaccine, “but I’m out there alone, with COVID still lurking about. The government needs to take measures to protect me and my precious vaccinated blood from the virus.”
There have been pushes to put masks on “dirty, grubby, unvaccinated children” to help protect all the essential vaccinated adults, but some worry masks simply won’t be enough.
“The government needs to round up all those deranged, unvaccinated lunatics and take them far away from us,” said Benjamin Reed, who had the Moderna vaccine. “They have the COVID and could give it to us. I spend all my waking hours worrying about us elite vaccinated people being tainted by the COVID.”
It’s generally agreed that the unruly unvaccinated must be isolated from vaccinated society to protect the vaccinated and the science-blessed vaccine from the virus.
“I’m scared of COVID,” said Garth Strudelfudd, a political commentator. “And that’s why I took the vaccine: as a symbol of my continued terror of COVID and to loudly declare I will never stop being scared of it. It was important to protect ourselves from COVID before the vaccine, but now that we have it and have become higher beings—the vaccinated—it’s even more important that we be protected.”
Source: The Babylon Bee
Text may contain traces of satire.
